Topic: Dating a man 13 years older
That is something that will take some time to really see, more like when the honeymoon phase of your dating is over. Oh, and be careful of older guys who just. His career and financial situations were a far cry from mine, and the idea rule to remember is that dating someone more than 10 years older. If you're dating an older man or interested in doing so, you should know with a fella quite a few years older or even decades older than you.
Was he molesting children back then? No so why can't we move on toward more relevant discussion. Are those really the thoughts that people use to make the most important decisions in their life?
No wonder the divorce rate in this country is so high. Look at the ignorant teeny bopper thought processes that we use. She is not talking about picking out a pair of shoes to match her purse.
I say go for it. Consider all the angles of it and not just the first 6 months of it and if it still appeals to you then why not? Like the girl below posted, we are here today and gone tomorrow so do what makes you happy. And in terms of him getting "old" My dad is in his 60's and as much as it grosses me out to hear about it, he is a beast sexually and don't take anything for it.
If the guy is more attractive to you at his age than your peers of your age, he probably has just plain good genetics. I told him my concerns You are putting the cart so far in front of the horse that the horse can't even see the cart. He had already had a career as a dancer in vaudeville, a stint in Germany during WWII, a failed marriage, and an affair with a German chorus girl resulting in the birth of his first son.
She had worked behind the bar at her parents' tavern and, I believe, had never been out of the state where she was born. Sixty years later, they're still together -- she's 81 and he's going on And yes, she does a ton of caregiving because: But they have had an absolutely devoted marriage, during which they ran a business together and raised a terrific, happy family.
So can it work out? Do I think you need to worry about it right now? All you have to do right now is enjoy getting to know each other. Take care of the present and the future will take of itself.
If he's 35 and not married, not in a long-term relationship, hasn't bought a house, doesn't have kids, doesn't even have a long-term career, then those things are probably not very high priorities for him.
They aren't high priorities for many people. But it sounds like they might be for you. And that could cause conflict. My husband is 10 years older than me. We met when I was At the time, we were both students: I was an undergrad, and he was just finishing up a PhD. So in some ways our lives were similar, and we had a lot in common. One issue was that he was just leaving that social context, though, and I was just beginning in it.
I had another 10 years of university including grad school ahead of me, and he soon signed on to work as an investment banker in London. That was tricky to navigate. We had less in common the next few years. Fortunately for me, he hated banking and went back into academia, and our goals and values and everyday life overlapped a bit more again.
The only other issue we have had, if I can even call it that, is that our relationship initially worked because he was kind of an immature 28, and I was a fairly mature The thing is, though, a mature year-old either stays the same, or gets more mature over the next 10 years. That is not always the case for an immature 28 year old. Fortunately the stint of investment banking in a foreign country kicked his ass into doing a hell of a lot of growing up.
He would admit to this too, btw: I'm not just saying it. Without that, I think we would have become incompatible over the next decade. My brother started dating young women naturally when he was 20 but as he got older, his new girlfriends remained more or less the same age. This may seem relatively unimportant but it does have some importance as the relationship develops. When I make certain cultural references to my partner who is more or less my age she gets them straight away.
I can remember my brother having issues with one of his previous girlfriends when she did not. The second issue is friends. His friends are his age, her friends are her age, so they have far less in common when they get together. His current and longest-lasting relationship is with his current wife. But he was around 50 when the first was born. He had no experience of or interest in children. He had been a lousy uncle to mine. He has turned out to be a poor father YMMV.
Two of his certainly are Asperger's. Finally, at his age, he will be 80 when the youngest finishes college. Health issues are already very much there in his case and will only get worse.
None of this should put you off. YMMV and, anyway, the most important thing is if you love and care for one another. But they are issues you be thinking of. If you go into any potential liason with the same attitude that you would have if you were renting a car to decide whether to buy it, your dating life is going to seem more serious and more fraught than it ever needs to be.
You're writing about this guy in a way that suggests you're working out how much the maintenance is going to cost you down the road. Take a deep breath and choose your partners based on how they make you feel and how they treat you more than a tick-list of Potential Husband Material criteria. I'm not wishing to sound patronising, but people change a lot during their twenties, and the person who seems right for you at 22 might not by Was married at He turned 40 last year.
They are so incredibly happy. Good relationships can be hard to come by. Just my two cents. My family really liked him, once they met him. Maybe it was a little odd, not sure. It wasn't for me. Some of his family thought maybe I could be some sort of gold-digger We met at work, so, it wasn't a weird bar pickup thing there, either. We knew we were similar in a lot of social views, and had fun together, and went from there.
We've been together 15 years, married for eight.
I'll agree with the other posters who caution that at 22 you may be getting ahead of yourself in seeing this as a potential marriage relationship, and for the record, I was 31 when I met my partner. But I'll answer your primary question. There are some long term issues with an age difference.
You may find yourself dealing with elder care issues much sooner that your peers.
Real Women Share Why They Love The Age Difference in Their Marriage
My partner's parents were quite elderly when we met, and they both passed away in the last five years. At one point my partner moved in with his dad to take care of him I still had my own apartment then. Lots of time was spent in hospitals and nursing homes, dealing with doctors, then eventually planning funerals and settling estates.
I can only imagine how much more difficult it would have been if we had been married with kids at the time. There is such a thing as a mid-life crisis. The fact that you will be at very different life and professional stages when it happens for both you and him can make them tricky to navigate. I haven't dealt with too much in the way of family negative reactions, but there was some initial weirdness meeting his friends. I don't think they knew what to make of me.
It was less of an issue with my friends, because my circle spans a wider age range anyway. I think a lack of common points of cultural reference might be an issue for some couples. It hasn't been a big issue in my relationship, but that's primarily due to luck and temperament.
There are huge swaths of cultural touch points that we don't share. All that said, I'm in a pretty wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. Put another way, it depends. I'm 43 going on It depends on the guy and a lot of other factors. Date for a while.
Don't worry about the future yet. We have been together for 10 years, married for 5. Ipsum did quite a bit of partying in his 20s, and by the time he reached his 30s, he was done with staying out late. If I were a partier in my 20s, I might have felt like I was missing out by being with him, but I was always more of a "homebody" so we both enjoyed the same simple dates: My husband had never dated a younger woman prior to me - his previous girlfriends had been older than him.
And at first he was hesitant about asking me out, but he felt that I was pretty mature for my age, and once he even referred to me as "23 going on He was working in his chosen career, and I was just starting graduate school while working at a job I didn't like in order to pay tuition.
But I don't think it negatively affected the relationship at all. And I think the age difference matters less as you get older. The difference between 22 and 35 might seem like a lot. But between 40 and 53, it's not that much. This is not really a thing I think about or care about. But then I'm much older than you, and I've dated several thousand people, and had a number of serious relationships, and I know what I like and who I'd want to marry. But then, another data point, so did a family member of the previous generation, and I just went to her spouse's funeral.
That being said, we're all gonna bite it some time, and I figure I've got nearly as good a chance as dying before my spouse, despite my age advantage. This is stuff you simply can not game out: Have a good time and, you know, see how the dating goes? We've been together since I was Because he looks young, we haven't had a ton of issues, but I do get called his daughter from time to time. He is in excellent shape. I know that someday that will change. My in laws both passed away a few years ago, but I was lucky to have a good relationship with them.
Our lifestyle and goals were very similar to begin with. Our vastly different life experiences has been awesome for our relationship. He made me believe in true love. If he is looking for a young wife to have healthy children with, that makes him smart. It only makes him a creep if he starts up with a woman in her 30s and then dumps her because her eggs are old.
I don't think you can fault a man who wants to give his children the best start in the world. As far as age gap, IMO, age gap only makes a difference if a man used that gap to "audition" women and then dump them on some kind of whim.
Or if he spent that time having children without marriage or commitment. If he has been spending that gap getting educated or building resources in order to start a family - then he is a keeper. This actually sounds like a really good match to me from what you have written.
If he is smart enough to plan his life, like I think he has, then he is also smart enough to take care of his health. So it is not likely he will die young.
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Since he is thirty-five, he has sort of proven himself health wise - you know he didn't have early onset schizophrenia or Leukemia which show up before 30 so the odds for getting a disease like that are lessened for him.
That's just an example of things you know he will not get "young". He doesn't have diabetes now so if he watches his health he probably won't get it. He should have children soon though. Because there is evidence older men have more problems with their offspring just like older women. I am now with a partner 12 years older than I am and we are doing just fine.
Cultural and generational touchpoints - YMMV. There isn't nearly as stark a difference between generations these days as there once was, IME. Kids and grandparents alike listen to the Beatles and are Star Wars fans. A good friend and her years-older husband have no problems finding things in common to bond over; they are both smart, well-read, intellectually-curious people so that helps a lot.
So it helps a lot if both of you have a wide range of interests actually, that is a huge plus in any relationship whatever the relative ages. Two major stumbling blocks I've seen: A year gap isn't a big deal when you're 40 and he's But when you're 60 and he's 80 you might find yourself full of energy, still wanting to work and do things, and he's growing frail and in need of care and not able to enjoy doing the same things you do.
I've seen women around that age give up everything in their lives to care for their spouses and that's no fun, no matter how happy the marriage. You're 45, at the peak of your career.
He's 65 and wants to retire now. Soon he's pushing you to take early retirement. Do you take the hit to your career and your Social Security payouts? Women live longer than men so they need more income in retirement. Does he have enough stashed away to cover the shortfall?
These aren't necessarily deal-breakers; they can be worked out or around. But they're things to think about in age-gap relationships and they'd be the same if it was the woman who was older! Reading these answers you'd think that year-olds were still in braces and training bras.
I really don't see the point in purposefully ignoring someone's marriageability just because you're young. In fact, I think "don't worry" is a stupid attitude. Not everyone wants to have lots of pointless relationships with incompatible people before they're allowed to give a shit about things like long-term compatibility.
Everything about this dude screams either "will never get a job" or maybe "SAH dad". Is that okay with you? I'm in my late 30's and my father is in his early 80's and suffers a lot of health problems. Hollywood's unsuccessful love story: We all remember when year old Ashley Olsen made headlines for reportedly dating year-old Bennett Miller, the director of Moneyball. And, yes, I know some younger men date older women. Kyle Jones, a year-old Pittsburgh guy, was in the news for having a relationship with year-old great-grandmother, Marjorie McCool.
So I am not being sexist. However, this article is about younger women falling in love with older men. And I don't mean a few years older. Traditionally, it has not just been customary but also advisable for girls to marry men who were a few years older - maybe by two to five years. There are biological as well as psychological reasons for this.
For instance, girls enter puberty sooner, their bodies are ready to have children earlier, and they only remain fertile for a limited time period. Psychologically, they reach emotional maturity much sooner than men. In fact, statistics prove that, on average, American men marry younger women.
Pratt, Gracia Edwards and Gert Stulp, revealed that married women were 4.
According to the same study, successful men featured on the Forbes list married women seven years younger. In fact, the numbers get more interesting. When these super-rich men remarried, their subsequent partner was substantially younger, years younger on average.
That's the kind of gap I am talking about. Financial gain seems to be the obvious answer, so I will get it out of the way straightaway. Girls get a head-start by marrying older men, as it affords them a similar or better lifestyle than they were used to while living with their parents. After all, their parents would have secured a commendable standard of living in their middle age, and the girl would like to ensure that she gets similar comforts when she marries.
If she were to marry a man the same age or slightly younger, they both would be starting out together and would lead a life of struggle initially—at least before they can plant their feet firmly in their respective careers. So, such an affair results in financial security. There are other, more complex psychological reasons. As they say, a girl marries a guy that reminds her of her father. Girls are used to their father's protection and care. Such a caring and loving attitude is usually found in older men.
Men her age typically though not necessarily are as mature or even less mature than herself and are not yet ready to take on the responsibility of a partner.