OkCupid looks at age gaps in dating | MetaFilter
Browse and license from the world's most up-to-date and comprehensive crash · wave · photographer · wet · model · bikini · fail · beach · funny · smile · girl · laugh it off · english · pose · classic · photoshoot. Posted Date: September 28th, This bikini-clad girl thought she was relatively safe from the small waves that. Never been on an online date how do you say hi when you see your date? I try to give a friendly smile and use open body language to suggest a hug Hugs have been universally okay with dates in my age range (). She gave me a half smile more like a courtesy smile. If she's being courteous, I' ll smile and wave back. Date Posted: Oct 27, #
I guess it helps to get those first dates, and then you count on winning them over with your charming personality and they won't care that you are not quite as advertised. Everyone else has been between four and seven years younger.
I think this is partly to do with the specific demographics of my area university town, skews young but also to a bunch of other factors, some of which are listed in the article. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I ignore my OKCupid inbox and basically send all first messages, so this is about who responds, rather than reaches out to me. My theory is that men people? Since I've been in my late twenties, I can't count the number of younger people who've said some version of: I look exactly my age; it's just that you don't hang out with other x-year-olds, so your version of what we should look like is based on a bunch of distorted media stereotypes rather than reality.
Men also tend to assume that any woman in her mid-late thirties are looking to get married and give birth by like the third date. My sense is that these vague stereotypes are usually enough to determine what they set as their age cap and who they search for, but they're loosely held enough that once they get a message from a real live human woman, they set them aside fairly easily.
I have a theory about MILFs! Or, rather, MILF porn. Which is that it has little to do with actual age - you can be a MILF by your mid-twenties in porn - but about the direction of desire. MILFs want the guys they bang. People men and women! And men get to feel like the objects of desire and seduction way less often than women do. So when a woman offers that to them, they're usually pretty game.
I don't think it's just about "can I have casual sex? I read so many horror stories when I was younger about what it was like to be an older woman dating, but none of them have turned out to be true. I like dating in my thirties a lot more than I liked dating in my twenties. If I'd tried to keep dating the same way as I did then, sure it would have been rough, but I don't. I like being off the relationship escalator. I like taking the lead and being the one who selects and initiates.
I like being the one who is a little older and more experienced. It feels more natural to me. So guys I know I guess are starting to do this I hear a lot of lamenting about "creepy" older men seeking twenty somethings, but the data in the article says that women that young have the worst response rate from older men.
And that every young age group of men is much more likely to respond to pre-elderly women than any age group again, even the age groups that make them "creepy". And then being thought of as joyless hags is really just the icing on the cake. As Gloria Steinham says - women become more radical with age. There's a reason for that.
I’m 29. Single. Woman. Indian.
So this is OK Cupid data which is interesting but hardly the sum total of all human relationships. I'm just straight up doubting the validity of the data here, and I'm assuming it's due to a tiny sample size.
It's OK Cupid's data which suffers from a huge, huge case of selection bias. But they're just looking for low-effort hookups where they can get their dick worshipped, because they're of the ilk that think older women are boring not much verve, as someone put it upthread and desperate and they'll be grateful to give some random overgrown frat bro a handjob while he plays video games.
As for dude upthread who laments that women his age don't have enough verve Y'all are looking for Manic Pixie Dream Girl to make you feel alive again, I'm just looking for a dude who doesn't make me feel dead inside. This has led to some awkward situations of being hit on by people in their early 20s, who I am not interested in dating 30 is my absolute lower limit.
But when I'm honest about my age online, none of those guys want a 42 year old. Mostly I get contacted by guys near my own age although this is undoubtedly skewed by the disclosure that I'm trans. Anyway, I'd be interested in seeing similar data for gay men. Once we get past the "I'm married, and monogamous" part of the conversation, I've discovered that there's a lot of looking for companionship, a full-time partner.
I have single het male friends on up to mid to upper 70s, and though many of them talk about dating, not a one of them is looking for a full-time partner. One in particular lost his wife to cancer back in the '90s, when I hang out with him there are several women he's regularly exchanging texts or phone calls with ie: So, yeah, seems like this is mostly a sign of less ambiguous signalling: Especially as men get older.
Selection bias, in my circles, and all of that Interesting that the only men being "shamed" are the ones who flat out say that women their own age or older aren't worth dating because they're sooooo boring. Interesting that you chose to leave that out of your social analysis.
And let's face it -- jokes are all I have. My looks aren't gonna do it. That said, I'm 43, and still pushing the dating rock up the hill, and if I knew what worked and what didn't I wouldn't still be here. We should do that again.
Not to mention that the same exact qualities that get young women labelled as vervy! But perhaps your circle of dude friends is more self-sufficient. Not impossible, lots of gray areas, etc.
Not making any calls here on the relative ethics of any of these relationships, of course.
There are certainly women creepers out there. But sexism skews everything. I've lived in 3 different states all my life, so I might be able to show you around a few places. I've also been through Reagan and Dubya, and some mighty tough personal and financial times, and I've managed to keep my goofy side through all of that, so it can be done.
Even back to my early 30s, the only time I have felt outside this dynamic is when I have met people while traveling since both parties are usually in a happy place. Even the people I know in "regular life" who are desirable partners due to being emotionally happy and healthy usually have a lot of exhaustion under the surface once I have gotten to know them.
I don't have kids and my aged parents are dead, but I have work, pets, a house, a budget, friends who are going through a HELL of a lot middle-aged women and men and their responsibilities, amirite?
I'm asexual and not looking for a relationship though I love having friends and always am open to more good friends! But "verve" struck a nerve.
Many, maybe most, of us women have too much on our plates to be "vervy" for some dude. It's another of the thousand micro aggression cuts that make up the background noise of being female in American culture. Guys, women are not your personal concierges guiding you to your happy place. We're human beings just as complex and moody as y'all and if given the space to be ourselves, eventually you'll see a genuine smile.
It is so bad that I would basically ignore any message from someone below OK Cupid is not as bad but on Match I was getting numerous messages a day, it basically made the site worthless for me. Didn't get very many messages, but as I recall they were either from men in their mid-twenties or mid-forties.
Didn't do anything to hide my weirdness because I figured it would come out sooner or later. I've observed the same thing, i. And my year-old mother the one with the remarkably spry year-old boyfriend says this is also true in her social circle. In fact, most of her female friends were never interested in even dating after they were widowed. I swear, some of them seemed almost relieved when their husbands passed. I'm about to say something really shallow, but I gotta say that the vast majority of men in my age group are really not very physically attractive, and a lot of them are either like "I love watching sports, fishing, and drinking beer, and watching Archer" or they're Starting Over and make it fairly evident in their profiles that they are basically in the same economic position at 43 that most people are in at Entry-level job, crappy apartment, broke.
I mean, the hard truth is that as a woman, I'm basically expected to at least try to maintain my appearance and practice good housekeeping skills.
In this also stretches to being gainfully employed, educated, and demonstrably self-supporting. And I do, actually, do all these things. And in return, I'm supposed to look for romance with somebody who, to put it bluntly, doesn't bring any of that to the table in return? I know that sounds super harsh and makes me sound like an asshole, but I have all these things for my own benefit, and I would like a partner that improves my quality of life, not soneone who just wants to win the relationship equivalent of the Showcase Showdown.
It seems like all the men who show up in my feed either want "retirement benefits" where they get a partner who requires zero effort but still provides all the perks of a relationship, or they're like, "If I still have to work for a lady's consideration, then I'm gonna hit on the year-olds, not some middle-aged cat lady. And it's not like these are stunningly interesting, unique guys who spent their youths traveling the world or working as a foreign diplomat or saving the whales.
They're just ordinary people like everyone else. But I'm supposed to be the one with "verve"? I can do verve all by myself.
Just wanted to add some anecdata from my Mom--my Dad died five years ago and she hasn't expressed a shred of interest in meeting someone new or dating.
What Does It Mean If A Guy Smiles At You? | Dating Logic
I don't think she was unhappy when he was alive but tbh she seems happier than ever now. Before, he didn't even have the social skills to wave or say hello when she walked by, but now that his wife died recently he comes up to her and is all like, "Hey, your husband's dead, my wife's dead And my year-old mother For people in their 80's women outnumber men - in the population numbers were about 2.
For 70 to 74 it's 4. So at the far end it's not a very level playing field. I'm an artist who literally goes to parties for a living, and men definitely lose interest when they find out I'm actually sober and a business owner and work way harder than someone with an office job.
Because verve doesn't pay the bills, and no man will do that for me. I do the same things everyone does. I need to clean and do laundry and take the trash out. I'd be totally into doing cool stuff after all the work is done, but I am likewise not going to be the concierge of the relationship. If dude wants to do something fun, then think of something and suggest it. If we agree, then actually make the arrangements and pay for it.
Don't just walk away as though giving the directive was sufficient. But I don't think this explains the lack of interest on the part of older women. I absolutely love my job college professor and I will talk your ear off about my classes or my research if you give me half a chance.
I'm also kind of a little too excited about the home improvement projects we've got going on here, plus my cucumber plant just started climbing the trellis and that's exciting.
I like to walk to the new coffee shop in town and chat with the owners, and I really love history podcasts. I also just got back from the Czech Republic and Austria and had a great time, and I'd love to talk about the year I lived in Spain and my travels through Latin America, and the new Vietnamese place I ate at last month.
Doing them requires days new restaurant or months Czech Republic of saving money, or simply aren't things I do anymore living abroad. If you think "verve" means exclusively these things and not being positive about finally getting the mold removed from my basement, then we are not at all on the same page.
Show me yours first. Then she looked at Danielle and said she also loves to have sex with black men, adding that all black men have huge dicks, Puerto Ricans are next in line, and Asians have the smallest dicks, because she slept with an Asian person once.
She insisted white men were the only group with any diversity. Danielle followed me out and asked if I was upset. When was the last time you slept with someone of your own ethnicity? I am the only Korean in my introductory Korean class, other than the teacher. The teacher dedicates part of every class to talking about Korean culture. I could never live in Korea again. Is Korea more patriarchal than the US? When I have spoken to Korean women about this, they often tell me that I am the first person who has ever noticed or mentioned their submissiveness to them.
She maneuvers her motorized wheelchair a little closer to me. I feel slightly violated. Right of the right wing.
Are 'swipe left' dating apps bad for our mental health?
But also she is a war baby, and her generation was very conservative. Even ten years later, daughters were already finishing school and attending college. He was even dishonorably discharged from the service. The worst white American man must have been miles better than the Korean men my mother had to choose from. When I was older, in college, in my first adult relationships, my mother told me that she would disown me if I ever dated a Korean man.
I’m Single. Woman. Indian. – Be Yourself
I only now understand what she meant. I raise my hand and all the other students in the class are now looking at me. They both look down at their books. Who taught you how to date? My Korean mother watches people whenever we go somewhere new. She studies what they do, how they move, what they say to each other.
Because I grew up with her, I forget she is a foreigner. She loves eating at buffets, and some of my earliest memories were of following her through aisles of steam tables in some Midwestern Golden Corral with a tray of miscellaneous food.
When I was older, visiting from college, she asked where I wanted to eat lunch and I said I wanted to try a sit-down American cafe that had opened recently. We went and my mother opened the menu, sighed, closed it.
It took me so long to realize how tiring it must be for her to order food from a waiter — someone who might not understand her accent — off of a menu written in an inscrutable font with euphemistic descriptions. Starting when I was 3 years old, my mother instructed me to rip the testicles off of the body of any man who tried to have sex with me. She taught me that all men were untrustworthy perverts, perhaps not knowing that I would eventually queer towards women.
I was not allowed to attend middle school sleepovers at the houses of my friends unless they had single moms; there were only two girls whose fathers had abandoned their families in our rural town.
Each of these girls was relentlessly horny. The other was pregnant by age I hear him say the exact things I have said to so many people: If you want to date me, I want you to be my girlfriend, and I will want to call you my girlfriend because we will be in a committed relationship. The thought is huge and almost immobilizing. He takes out her garbage and cleans her house, unaware that I would ever feel uncomfortable being in their space. He invites me to sleep with him in her bed.
I decline and wonder what he could possibly be thinking. When the Korean man says he will come over, I buy fruit at the store, I make food in the morning, I prepare my house to receive him. He answers my questions with candor. That they will consider whether their words will hurt you, and try to soften the blow when they give you bad news.
That they will think about how their behavior will affect you at the moment and in the future. He talks about white women in a careless, aspirational way to me, as if what we both desire most is to date white women.
He makes unconsidered, insensitive comments about my appearance and family. When I ask him about his feelings for me, he wavers, unable to see how his hesitation hurts me, especially if he backtracks and later says he likes me.
Are you ok with that? My mother was a sacrificial child, born into the unlucky birth position of eldest daughter. She was expected to give up her schooling and independence in order to take care of everyone else. Unwittingly, she passed that on to me. Why are you single? Everyone in New York who is single, is single for a reason.